Immanence

How depressed is ‘too depressed to write’?

I haven’t been really-really down for quite a while, and it’s all a matter of whipping up the energy to do what you’ve been planning for the day -– update the blog journal or write the section of the book about anonymity and coming out of the closet.

Yeah, well, just plain whipping up the energy isn’t always plain whipping up the energy, and while there’d sure be energy for running three miles if I needed the money or was in need, keeping the motivation for a longer-term goal can be complicated to say the least -– and remember this is no darn book of poems; I’m trying to tackle complexity here.If I just had put that hypomania to optimal use…

And yes, much of the problem comes from never getting to learn how to use your human skills because in hypomania you don’t need them and often everything that needs to get done gets done gets done in hypomania anyway.

But hey, I’m trying to start a marketing campaign, which can’t just mean post-once-and-run. I should blog journal more often. And this is prime time for the section about coming out of the closet because the number of people who know about my manic-depressive illness is reaching critical scale.

Mostly it’s the marketing campaign timing. I should really stick to good marketing timing or I’ll never leave one-post-three-hidden-chapters. And the very fact that I am worrying about marketing timing shows that I am not that depressed. I just have no fucking idea of how to go about things not being hypo.

Is there anything more internet genre than the essay elaborating on how you really don’t have anything to say but should say something so you can fill this (generally blog blog journal ) space. But hey, there is something different about this one, and it’s its lost potential: it could have been something if I was hypo.When you’re manic-depressive, depressive cycles are like economic downturns and terrorist attacks: stuff that’s worrying, but manageable, and often they end up not happening or not being noticeable and one mocks overreaction to predictive indicators, when it’s this very reaction that stopped the process in its birth.Noticing creeping depression is worth a million bucks to me. Somehow -– probably because of the slight bias in the med cocktail -– my brain is better at fighting off a depression than mania, and just committing to marketing timing helps;

if you can force your heart, nerve and sinewto serve your turn long after they’re gone

and so hold on when there’s nothing in youexcept the Will which to says to them, “ Hold on!”

And that, dear readers, is what it takes to be motherfucking bipolar and sane. You bet it’s complex, and you bet there’s good stuff to come from the book. Snippet (smaller than last one, sure -– that one was almost a chapter!) soon.

Breadcrumb trails:

Anonymity, Blog, Book Of Poems, Coming Out Of The Closet, Complexity, Darn Book, depression, Economic Downturns, energy, Essay, Fucking Idea, Genre, Good Marketing, Hypomania, internet genre, mania;, Manic Depressive Illness, Marketing Campaign, meta, Money, Motivation, Prime Time, Running, Term Goal, Terrorist Attacks, the habit

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