Immanence

By the way,

BTW I’m okay now. From that crazy desperate rant. I’m happy, plans for my birthday are going ok, etc. I think I had Ritalin withdrawals that day. My Ritalin schedule had been hectic the days before, so that explains most of the weirdness. Maybe I need some more clonazepam to make for the anxiolytic effect of Seroquel. I _am_ excited about getting out of antipsychotics, but I’m also kinda excited about everything. I’m starting to feel like I don’t need sleep, et cetera. I’m glad I have a girlfriend to keep me in reigns somewhat. I mean, I’ll do my best, even if it means running away from the possible hypomania that’s attracting me like crazy, to be “normal” and good for her — she’s  been so good for me. But I actually thought of skipping Seroquel today because I couldn’t find the blister pack. Then I couldn’t sleep and found’em.  I don’t know how much clonazepam I’ve taken yesterday or today. It’s 02:19 and I still feel I can wake okay at 07:45 if it’s the correct music (right now, “Over and over” by Hot Chip). But taking Ritalin right (or kinda, I’ve been too much in a hurry to split the 10mg pill so I instead take the 10mg straight and take a half pill (5mg) five hours later.

Hypomania’s calling. I’m trying my best to ignore it. Go away. You’re not welcome. (Boy, I miss the really good manias but that’ll fuck me up right now, risk my relationship and my job). Go away. I have other ways to self-destruct that don’t involve superconfident hypomanias. I’m trying my best to self-destruct in a healthy way, in a way that leads to transcendence. GO AWAY!

Breadcrumb trails:

10mg, Antipsychotic, Antipsychotics, Bipolar, blister, Clonazepam, HDR, Hypomania, Job, Manias, Music, Norm, Relationship, Ritalin, Running, Seroque, Seroquel, Sleep

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